diamond mountain, arizona, USA, may 2006
i'm just thinking aloud. just standing on a mountain-top talking silently...
... buddhism teaches that this is a broken world and this is a magical world. we have to understand both to make the buddhist path work.
this is a broken world. it works just fine in that loopy way that it does, but all our perceptions about it are fundamentally mistaken at some level, and because of this we wander through a magical mysterious beautiful world crashing into things, seeing all our happiness projects unravel, all the good things in our life wear out and collapse again and again. and then old age, sickness, death.
we think that chocolate comes from the chocolate factory, beauty comes from using beauty products, wealth comes from savings accounts. when relationships start to go wrong - and they always do - we think we have two choices: either reason with the other person or use emotion and threaten/beg/charm them. but both choices are wrong. neither reason nor charm nor threats can create that happy relationship. that happy relationship was made a long, long time ago, and its quality and length were decided then too. some goodness that we did a long, long time ago, but more or less unconsciously, more or less confusedly - which is why it never lasts, why it always wears out - is the cause of this happiness today. trying to scheme to make that happiness last longer is like trying to travel back in time.
this is a broken world, but its also a magical world. and its important to see both sides clearly. and when we learn how reality works we can start to make our own reality with more and more accuracy. to the extent that we understand, we are free ...
in the middle of the arizona desert, one and a half hours from the nearest city, thirty minutes from the nearest place big enough to hold a grocery store. a fine place to build a buddhist university.
this is apache country - on the land next door are the remains of fort bowie, a fort built with the specific aim of catching the apache chief, geronimo. the road leading onto to the land is still called apache pass. stage-coach slaughters happened here. on the ridge where the lamas' next three year retreat hut will be we've been digging foundations once a week, and right beside us is a mountain where geronimo did a vision quest. we did a fire ceremony at the fouindation site a few nights ago, some of us came back down the hill in christine's white convertible, so crowded i ended up sitting up on the back of the car, enoying the night air and the spacious view and laughing each time she forgot i was there and started speeding along suddenly. (and boy, can she drive!) stage-coach memories.
i step out of classrooms into beautiful desert landscapes. we're in a little basin nestled in the mountains with a vast flat plain visible that stretches across to another mountain range. today i climbed up into the mountains and looked down into an amazing expanse of flatlands, with diamond mountain a tiny speck of a few buildings and huts nestled at the edge of the mountains.
as soon as i arrived here i saw its beauty. there are wonderful winds that refresh the mind but dry out the skin. at night in my yurt the canvas rattles quite dramatically during the stronger gusts and it feels like everything is going to come down, but it never happens. its also rattlesnake and tarantula and black widow country but i havent seen any of them, just the occasional skunk, the occasional songbird, and little rabbits skipping quietly through the desert brush.
i love it in my yurt, and feel so much closer now to the possibility of living in a tipi for an extended period of time, living inside soft citrcular walls which arent walls, just screens that can open up and allow you to see and feel where you really are, and the winds that brought you here
only five weeks but it feels so full. i've made a good connection with the sanskrit alphabet and can now read devanagari script, had a taste of sacred dance from a nepali lineage holder, studied emptiness meditations, enjoyed nights of debate with fellow students, done ACI course 16, and lots of yoga...
i've gazed at the stars in a sky completely open and free of electric light pollution, studied the diamond cutter sutra in my yurt each night and danced for vajrayogini, walked in the night breezes feeling pacified and amazed by the silent gentleness of being here, had some amazing dreams, watched geshe michael give wonderful teachings (one beautiful three minute 'death awareness' meditation that came out of nowhere and rolled along like a page of kerouac took my breath away) while translating a text 'live' to show aspiring translators how its done...
i've even had my first driving lesson, speeding along apache pass in that same white convertible.
and i've studied hard, continuing the task of correcting my totally upside-down mistaken view of the world, letting the logic of how reality works evolve into a magical roller coaster journey through what may start to look like miracle landscapes.
the people here are very committed, very open-hearted. its a good place to be. and geshe michael is trying to take them all the way.
and now this round-the-world trip comes to something like an end - by returning to where it started: thailand. and india. a brief stop at el balcon to see john and his family and then back to dharamsala for a feast of teachings and the world cup. after that i dont know where i go but i worry less and less about such things now. i know how reality works and its up to me to find the faith to live it (and faith is necessary, cos the way it works is so counter-intuitive to our normal perceptions and reactions). here's one presentation of how it works, from (i think) nagarjuna's 'string of precious jewels'
"giving brings us everything we need;
an ethical life brings happiness.
not getting angry or upset
brings us beauty, and joyful effort
grants us grace and authority.
developing concentration brings peace
while meditation brings wisdom and liberation.
compassion achieves all things."
although i dont worry about the future and dont have any clear sense of how its going to unfold my basic intuition still holds: i hope to be settled somewhere by the end of the year for an extended period. no idea where. but simply thinking about the perfect site without worrying about practicalities is sound buddhist logic however, so.... somewhere open like the desert is, but cooler, with some angel to help me. maybe by the sea, and in a tipi. and maybe a teacher will appear who will give me a six month plan for meditation. ok, i'll post it tonight inside a mandala. and let the clock tick away sweetly...
i look forward to seeing old friends again as i pass once more through the familiar landscapes. my greetings to all of you, with best wishes in whatever you are doing, whatever you're dreaming of. and remember: visions of the future dont have to be logical or practical or even particularly believable (lack of faith is, after all, endemic in our cultures and our minds) - they just have to be envisioned sincerely and then watered with some goodness, especially the goodness of trying to understand how reality works. a little karma, a little understanding of emptiness, then sit back and watch...
see you soon,
shenyen
... buddhism teaches that this is a broken world and this is a magical world. we have to understand both to make the buddhist path work.
this is a broken world. it works just fine in that loopy way that it does, but all our perceptions about it are fundamentally mistaken at some level, and because of this we wander through a magical mysterious beautiful world crashing into things, seeing all our happiness projects unravel, all the good things in our life wear out and collapse again and again. and then old age, sickness, death.
we think that chocolate comes from the chocolate factory, beauty comes from using beauty products, wealth comes from savings accounts. when relationships start to go wrong - and they always do - we think we have two choices: either reason with the other person or use emotion and threaten/beg/charm them. but both choices are wrong. neither reason nor charm nor threats can create that happy relationship. that happy relationship was made a long, long time ago, and its quality and length were decided then too. some goodness that we did a long, long time ago, but more or less unconsciously, more or less confusedly - which is why it never lasts, why it always wears out - is the cause of this happiness today. trying to scheme to make that happiness last longer is like trying to travel back in time.
this is a broken world, but its also a magical world. and its important to see both sides clearly. and when we learn how reality works we can start to make our own reality with more and more accuracy. to the extent that we understand, we are free ...
in the middle of the arizona desert, one and a half hours from the nearest city, thirty minutes from the nearest place big enough to hold a grocery store. a fine place to build a buddhist university.
this is apache country - on the land next door are the remains of fort bowie, a fort built with the specific aim of catching the apache chief, geronimo. the road leading onto to the land is still called apache pass. stage-coach slaughters happened here. on the ridge where the lamas' next three year retreat hut will be we've been digging foundations once a week, and right beside us is a mountain where geronimo did a vision quest. we did a fire ceremony at the fouindation site a few nights ago, some of us came back down the hill in christine's white convertible, so crowded i ended up sitting up on the back of the car, enoying the night air and the spacious view and laughing each time she forgot i was there and started speeding along suddenly. (and boy, can she drive!) stage-coach memories.
i step out of classrooms into beautiful desert landscapes. we're in a little basin nestled in the mountains with a vast flat plain visible that stretches across to another mountain range. today i climbed up into the mountains and looked down into an amazing expanse of flatlands, with diamond mountain a tiny speck of a few buildings and huts nestled at the edge of the mountains.
as soon as i arrived here i saw its beauty. there are wonderful winds that refresh the mind but dry out the skin. at night in my yurt the canvas rattles quite dramatically during the stronger gusts and it feels like everything is going to come down, but it never happens. its also rattlesnake and tarantula and black widow country but i havent seen any of them, just the occasional skunk, the occasional songbird, and little rabbits skipping quietly through the desert brush.
i love it in my yurt, and feel so much closer now to the possibility of living in a tipi for an extended period of time, living inside soft citrcular walls which arent walls, just screens that can open up and allow you to see and feel where you really are, and the winds that brought you here
only five weeks but it feels so full. i've made a good connection with the sanskrit alphabet and can now read devanagari script, had a taste of sacred dance from a nepali lineage holder, studied emptiness meditations, enjoyed nights of debate with fellow students, done ACI course 16, and lots of yoga...
i've gazed at the stars in a sky completely open and free of electric light pollution, studied the diamond cutter sutra in my yurt each night and danced for vajrayogini, walked in the night breezes feeling pacified and amazed by the silent gentleness of being here, had some amazing dreams, watched geshe michael give wonderful teachings (one beautiful three minute 'death awareness' meditation that came out of nowhere and rolled along like a page of kerouac took my breath away) while translating a text 'live' to show aspiring translators how its done...
i've even had my first driving lesson, speeding along apache pass in that same white convertible.
and i've studied hard, continuing the task of correcting my totally upside-down mistaken view of the world, letting the logic of how reality works evolve into a magical roller coaster journey through what may start to look like miracle landscapes.
the people here are very committed, very open-hearted. its a good place to be. and geshe michael is trying to take them all the way.
and now this round-the-world trip comes to something like an end - by returning to where it started: thailand. and india. a brief stop at el balcon to see john and his family and then back to dharamsala for a feast of teachings and the world cup. after that i dont know where i go but i worry less and less about such things now. i know how reality works and its up to me to find the faith to live it (and faith is necessary, cos the way it works is so counter-intuitive to our normal perceptions and reactions). here's one presentation of how it works, from (i think) nagarjuna's 'string of precious jewels'
"giving brings us everything we need;
an ethical life brings happiness.
not getting angry or upset
brings us beauty, and joyful effort
grants us grace and authority.
developing concentration brings peace
while meditation brings wisdom and liberation.
compassion achieves all things."
although i dont worry about the future and dont have any clear sense of how its going to unfold my basic intuition still holds: i hope to be settled somewhere by the end of the year for an extended period. no idea where. but simply thinking about the perfect site without worrying about practicalities is sound buddhist logic however, so.... somewhere open like the desert is, but cooler, with some angel to help me. maybe by the sea, and in a tipi. and maybe a teacher will appear who will give me a six month plan for meditation. ok, i'll post it tonight inside a mandala. and let the clock tick away sweetly...
i look forward to seeing old friends again as i pass once more through the familiar landscapes. my greetings to all of you, with best wishes in whatever you are doing, whatever you're dreaming of. and remember: visions of the future dont have to be logical or practical or even particularly believable (lack of faith is, after all, endemic in our cultures and our minds) - they just have to be envisioned sincerely and then watered with some goodness, especially the goodness of trying to understand how reality works. a little karma, a little understanding of emptiness, then sit back and watch...
see you soon,
shenyen
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